This year, on Ramsey’s fifth birthday, the days are exactly the same as the year she was born and died. Meaning, her birthday falls on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and the day she died falls on Black Friday. It has me full of anxiety. I relive it EVERY year, but when the days line up, it seems especially hard. Thanksgiving was the only day she was alive..the only day she was considered “stable”. I had chicken strips & fries for dinner & remember being SO thankful for her little life & that the prognosis was good. We’d be in the NICU for a long while, but the doc was confident we’d be going home as a family of 6. On Black Friday around 5am I was REALLY weepy. I called my girlfriends who were out shopping (I didn’t want to wake Jeff as he was home with the boys) & was crying. They wanted to come up but I shrugged them off to have their fun & tried to go back to sleep. About an hour later, a nurse came flying in & rushed me to the NICU. It’s like I had a premonition. Jeff was online ordering pink Kentucky basketball outfits when I called to tell him Ramsey’s condition had taken a turn. At the time, I didn’t even know what that meant. He, of course rushed right up along with my sister, dad, pastor & his family. They did all they could… those nurses, A LOT of them were surrounding her little body & they were all sobbing. The doctor was rushing between Ramsey & us. She was trying to put into laymens terms what was happening but she wasn’t even 100% sure why the sudden change. When it became clear she was without oxygen for too long to survive they placed her in my arms & that became the reality of “Black Friday” for me.
It’s been 5 years. 5 years of grief. 5 years of longing for the day I’ll see her again. 5 years of birthdays celebrated at a cemetery. 5 years of helping others on the same journey. 5 years of making her life a legacy. This year for her birthday month we are asking you to donate $23 sometime before Nov. 23 (her birthday) by clicking this link. $23 for Ramsey’s 5th birthday. We will turn off all notifications & announce LIVE on Facebook on Nov. 23rd how much you have raised!
Living without one of your children is excruciating. Time doesn’t really heal that. That part never really changes. This song, by Hillary Scott & the story behind it is one of my faves. Please take a moment & reflect on what it might be like for those people around you living without one (or more) of their children. Hillary Scott’s story & song.
Thank you for being especially kind this month. My heart appreciates it. ❤️️