I’m living without one of my children, so of course Mother’s Day is challenging. I look at my FOUR beautiful boys & am happy happy happy to be their mama. I am also happy to be Ramsey’s mama. I love celebrating with my living children, and I love carrying on her legacy through her foundation, The Ramsey Keller Memorial. In the last couple years I’ve reconciled that this will be what Mother’s Day is to me.
Another part of Mother’s Day is celebrating your own Mother & that’s something I don’t do. You see- from the minute I was born, our relationship has been tumultuous. Seriously. I was the WORST baby & she suffered from severe post partem psychosis. (Look it up) my two year old sister at the time tried taking care of me & literally would bring my mom Kleenex & say, “don’t cry, mommy.” Our relationship over the years has been up & down, but mostly down. I try to imagine a relationship like that with my own kids and it brings me to my knees. There’s fault on both sides. I 💯% know that. I also know as a Mother I would do ANYTHING to resolve issues with my kids. I would tell them that I know they were hurting & how can I help? I would explain to them that sometimes life gets messy but I’m doing the best I can. I would ask them to take a new journey with me & ask questions if they don’t understand. After all, even if we are both adults, a moms role is always the mom. I’ll never forget after having my 1st born, I asked my mom if she loved me like I love him. She cocked her head to one side & said, “It changes as they get older” No. No, it doesn’t. I love my kids with same passion as when I first had them, if not MORE. She did a lot of things right. She introduced me to Jesus, she allowed self expression & she loved me no doubt, to the best of her ability. It’s complicated, my relationships (or lack thereof) with mom. When I see frames of people touting their mom is the best, it makes me sad. Sad that I don’t remember the last picture we had together, sad that she doesn’t love me with passion & sad that I don’t ever see that changing.
I’m so thankful my hero of a hubs knows my heart & gets the confusion it feels on this day.
Mother’s Day is challenging to many for SO many reasons. Please be gentle to all moms on Mother’s Day. Those that are living without a child, those who are estranged from their kids, for the kids that feel like their mom gave up on them & to the ones who desperately want to be a mom, but it hasn’t happened yet.